Off-Topic: jokes!

LOL

I have a few, so I might as well revive an old thread.

Three male programmers were in the bathroom standing at the urinals.
The first programmer finishes, walks over to the sink to wash his hands.
He then proceeds to dry his hands very carefully. He uses paper towel after paper towel and ensures that every single spot of water on his hands is dried.
Turning to the other two, he says, "Us Apple programmers only care about how the final product looks." and holds up his perfectly dried hands.
The second programmer finishes his task at the urinal and he proceeds to wash his hands. He uses a single paper towel and makes sure that he dries his hands using every available portion of the paper towel.
He turns and says, "Us Windows programmers try to be efficient"
The third programmer finished and walks straight for the door, shouting over his shoulder, "Linux programmers don't piss on their hands."

There was a pilot flying a small single engine charter plane, with a couple of very important executives on board. He was coming into the airport through thick fog with less than 10m visibility when his instruments went out. So he began circling around looking for landmark. After an hour or so, he starts running pretty low on fuel and the passengers are getting very nervous. Finally, a small opening in the fog appears and he sees a tall building with one guy working alone on the fifth floor. The pilot banks the plane around, rolls down the window and shouts to the guy "Hey! Where am I?" To this, the solitary office worker replies "You're in a plane." The pilot rolls up the window, executes a 180 degree turn and proceeds to execute a perfect blind landing on the runway of the airport 5 miles away. Just as the plane stops, so does the engine as the fuel has run out.
The passengers are amazed and one asks how he did it. "Simple" replies the pilot, "I asked the guy in that building a simple question. The answer he gave me was 100 percent correct but absolutely useless, therefore that must be Microsoft's support office and from there the airport is just a while away."

The box said "Requires Windows 7 or better", so I installed Linux.

Our Windows, who is on hard drives
Wide open your ports
You viruses come,
On XP as it is on Vista
Give us this day our daily Service Packs
and forgive our Linux partitions
as we forgive those flaws from your drivers
and lead us not into the blue screen
but deliver us from software conflicts.
Amen.

How do you know if somebody uses Linux?
They will tell you.

Yesterday I was at the bar when a blond walked up to me.
"Wanna root, baby?"
I stared at her, dumbfounded.
"It's not safe to be root."
Stupid woman...

Whats the difference between a computer hacker and Microsoft? Computer hackers get fines and jail time for crashing computers.

Q: What did Linux say to the Windows partition?
A: Go fsck yourself!!

sudo chown -R us ./allyourbase

A Linux user's one night stand:
whois && gawk && uname && talk && date && wine && touch && unzip && strip && touch && finger && mount && fsck && more && yes; yes; more; yes; umount && make clean && sleep

Linux Users get laid as often as they have to reboot.

Hiroshima..45........Cherynobyl..86........Windows. .95....

Programming is a lot like sex. One mistake and you could have to support it the rest of your life.

Windows was a 32 bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16 bit patch to an 8 bit operating system originally coded for a 4 bit microprocessor, written by a 2 bit company, that can't stand 1 bit of competition.

Will
Install
Needless
Data
On
Whole
System

Ubuntu is an ancient African word meaning "I can't configure Debian."

ohhh tuk wins

nope not funny

SubJunk:nope not funny

At first I was like:

But then I was like: