Off-Topic: Mark Twain quotes

I have no idea which of these are actually quotes from Mark Twain (it might be one of those things like how all quotes about god/science automatically get attributed to Einstein even though he never said them...) but they're cool quotes anyway, whoever said them:

History does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

If voting made any difference they wouldn't let us do it.

If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

The loud little handful will shout for war. The pulpit will warily and cautiously protest at first…The great mass of the nation will rub its sleepy eyes, and will try to make out why there should be a war, and they will say earnestly and indignantly: "It is unjust and dishonorable and there is no need for war." Then the few will shout even louder…Before long you will see a curious thing: anti-war speakers will be stoned from the platform, and free speech will be strangled by hordes of furious men who still agree with the speakers but dare not admit it ... Next, statesmen will invent cheap lies, putting blame upon the nation that is attacked, and every man will be glad of those conscience-soothing falsities, and will diligently study them, and refuse to examine any refutations of them; and thus he will by and by convince himself that the war is just, and will thank God for the better sleep he enjoys after this process of grotesque self-deception.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

It ain't the parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second-hand, and without examination.

A classic is something that everybody praises and nobody has read.

What gets us into trouble is not what we don't know. It's what we know for sure that just ain't so.

Wagner's music is better than it sounds.

In the beginning of a change, the patriot is a scarce man; brave, hated, and scorned. When his cause succeeds, however, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.